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*crickets*

Wow, I’ve been slack in updating.  The longer you go, the more there is to write, which just overwhelms my brain and makes me procrastinate even longer.

There aren’t any specific changes, really, just changes to the overall picture.  He’s so much bigger & older & more capable than he did a month ago.  He seems far less like a baby and more like an actual person.  He’s grabbier, smiley-er, more persistent, more stubborn, more aware, more communicative.

I’ve been continuing with feeding him solids, a couple times a day.  I originally thought he didn’t like cauliflower or avocado so much, but he loves it.  Apricots, avocado, cauliflower, yams, carrots, apples, pears, peaches, potatos, broccoli, and now peas are all in his repertoire.  He seemed to really love the peas, I was surprised.   I’m planning on adding cherries this week.

And NOISES!  His noises have stopped sounding like baby nonsense and more like human language. He says, “mamamamamamamamamamama” a lot and once, when I picked him up out of his bed, he looked right at me and said, “mama.”  Hmm…  He says, “baba” when he sees us bringing his bottle over.

I can’t believe I was ever worried about him not rolling over from his belly to his back.  Uh… the kid can MOVE.  He rolls, he scoots, he damn near winds up on the other side of the country.

He has a fascination with his hands, as of late.  He holds one out, as if conducting an orchestra, and stares at it.  Or just waves it around.

Right now he’s playing bumper cars with the stool I put in front of the stairs to block them.  He LOVES his walker.  His favorite position, ever, has long since been standing.  It took him all of 10 minutes in the walker to figure out how to zip all over.  It took me all of 5 minutes to realize we need to get a baby gate & start baby proofing, STAT.  In his walker, he likes to spy for things to grab.  Often, he finds power cords, dangling and likes to see just how long it’ll take me to run over and unplug.

OH!  And oh my god!  He has teeth.  It seemed like we were waiting forever to those bottom two to bust out.  They were RIGHT THERE for the longest time.  Then one day I looked and SHAZAM!  The left of the bottom pair had broken through about halfway.  Now the right one is about halfway out and the right one is done.

Now he’s wandering around the kitchen, banging his hand on the cabinets.  He also found the bottom drawer that we keep bags in, half open.  He reached in and started pulling out all the plastic bags.  Oh yes, yes I know – TIME TO BABY PROOF.

Yesterday, I realized that he’s probably going to be a shy kid.  And that he’s the sensitive little Scorpio baby I expected him to be.  He used to give smiles out easily & quickly.  But the past couple months, when we’re out and someone gets in his face to admire him & talk to him, he seems to pull back and start scowling.  (I can hear Chris saying, “He’s just like his mother.”)  He needs time to get to know people and doesn’t like people getting in his face.  Nuthin’ wrong with that.   But then yesterday, we were out for a walk, many of our neighbors were out enjoying the sun in one of the neighbor’s driveways.  We stopped to say hi and talk and introduce another baby on the block to him (10 months, his first girlfriend, perhaps?)  I noticed that the 10 month old was happy to be around a lot of people, smiling at everyone and grabbing for Felix.  Felix sat in his stroller looking disturbed & overwhelmed by all the people and finally started crying.  I picked him up and he hid his face in my shoulder.

Yup.  He might look like his Dad but he’s sure starting to seem a lot like his mom.

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6 months

Dear Felix,

HOLY CRAP, you’re 6 months old.  And… Wow, really, it’s only been 6 months?

015Today, you had your 6 month check up, one day after the fact, and you’re still growing like a week and a picture of good health.  So when you’re older, and you hear people say  that goat milk isn’t good enough for babies, you can tell them that YOU were raised on it – raw, no less – and just look at you.

(Because I’m sure this is the type of conversation you’ll have as an adult, right?)

You are 17 pounds – which is now right smack in the middle of average, which is more than fine.  And you’re over 28 inches tall which is way above average.  How’d you get to be so tall?

So far, you like every fruit that’s passed your lips.  But you have not like broccoli nor lunged for avocado like you do bananas.  I’m kind of surprised at this.  I had it in my head that you’d be all about the vegetables.  You do, however, have a very “if you want me to eat it, I will” attitude about it – but you make sure I know that you’re doing me a favor.  Yup.  You’re my kid.  Oh, are those faces supposed to make me decide to stop giving you broccoli?  Not going to work.  But hold on to that, you can guilt me for it later.  When you’re 5, you can complain about how you let me feed you broccoli even though you didn’t want it, so I should let you x, y, z.

Today, we’ll try cauliflower, because it can’t be all about fruits, Nugget.  I can’t possibly see how you could have a problem with cauliflower – it tastes like potato and how could you not like potato?

Yesterday, I saw a video on that stupid “Momversation” thing about “Do you have to play with your kids?”  I feel sorry for other mothers who say “Do I have to play with my kids?”  We like to play with you.  We can’t wait to play with you more.  When you’re bigger, we’ll do things like go to the zoo, the waterfront, etc AT LEAST every other day.

031Anyway.  The people in the “don’t play with your kids” camp claimed that playing with your kids too much would make them “too dependent” on you and not imaginative enough.  Not self-sufficient enough.  I think this is bullshit.  There’s so many other factors and quite frankly, that attitude doesn’t give enough credit to each child’s individual personality.  But I guess I say that because you already show quite a lot of independence and seem pretty good at amusing yourself already.  If you want us to play with you, and to show us things & talk to us about stuff & share whatever it is that seems to be going on inside your head all the time, we’ll be more than happy to oblige.

(I do think, though, that people who claim to not want to play with their kids because they want them to be self-sufficient, etc are making that up as a cover for the fact that they just don’t want to spend a lot of time with and energy on their kids.  Period.)

But there I go on my high horse again, and I fear you’re going to be that kid that annoys everyone by telling them, “Well, MY mom said…”  You’ll probably often end that sentence with something about how I said that if their moms really cared about them, they’d do x, y, z.  Or how one of their teachers is an idiot.

Ahem.  Yes, I’ll be THAT mom.

Your dad?  Well.  He seems to be the reasonable one, but he named your giraffe “Jihad.”  I’ll get called into school about things like that, too.

You & me are going to have to have a talk about this sleeping thing soon – we’d like a little after 7am consistency, please?  But other than that, you’re incredibly easy.  It feels like it was really hard the first few months but I don’t know if YOU were all that hard.  We were just terrified of you.  On your very second day here, we had to drive you to the pediatrician – ON THE FREAKIN’ LA FREEWAY.  It was awful.  I’m surprised I didn’t have a heart attack right then and there.  LA sucked.  LA still sucks and I hope you don’t ever have urges to go spend a few years in the city where you were born.  All I wanted was to get you out of there.

I was afraid to drive with you, afraid to let you cry, afraid of going out in public with you because I didn’t want to bother everyone or be completely frazzled out in public.  DUDE.  That was the stupidest fear because you’re really quite good when we’re out.  Dazzlingly so.  Especially when you & I flew to Pennsylvania alone – oh, I saw the looks on people’s faces when they saw me sit down in the boarding area with you, and you were cranky because I’d woken you up at 3 am.  People went out of their way to talk to me & compliment you at the end of the flight.  You were born to travel & be on the move.

We drove aimlessly for 3 hours one weekend – well, 3 hours away and 3 hours back.  You just sat in the car seat & stared out the window or slept.  You got a little cranky, momentarily, which was understandable because you were all wet & hungry.  But once that got taken care of, you were fine.

Anyway.  That drive on the LA freeway.  The midwife & one of her assistants made a huge fuss about how small you were and they got me all worked up and worried about it.  I’m kind of annoyed at that.  I’m kind of annoyed at some people’s handlings of us back then.  Had you weighed one more pound, no one would have worried much, and I can’t see that one pound makes much of a difference.  Plus, you were small but there was nothing weak & or unhealthy about you.  I’d say you were better off than most babies who weighed more at the get go.  There also seems to be a lot of “small babies” on both our sides of the family, so perhaps it just runs in the family and they should have stopped getting on my case about “how I ate while pregnant” after the fact.  (I did not eat a lot, because I, strangely, had no appetite.  But I tried to make it count, what I ate, plus I drank lots of raw milk & used lots of butter… plenty of fatty things.  Including me! hahahaha  I gained a lot, but little of it seemed to go to you.  So.  In hindsight, I’d have snapped at them to get off my case.)  Which is also why I feel a little smug, now, because you are above average in everything.  Including personality.

You don’t feel so fragile anymore – though, you never were, really.  WE were the ones that were fragile.

You have a slightly nerve-wracking habit of liking to pull a blanket over your face to fall asleep.  Sometimes it’s the ONLY way you’ll fall asleep.  It’s fine during the afternoon when I let you fall asleep, then immediately move the blanket off your face.  But often at night, I feel a need to keep checking or have to be yanking it off your face throughout the morning.  This is a habit we need to start breaking.  Though you have a thing about rubbing your face on anything soft.

We’re taking hours of video of you just making faces & blowing spit bubbles, etc.  You have a vast repertoire of noises.  You do have one noise that almost sounds like you’re saying, “Momomomomomomom,” but we’ll see.

YESTERDAY! Your actual 6 month birthday!  I put you in the stroller “like a big boy” for the first time.  I think you were a little dazzled by the new view.

You’re starting to sit up now, and you try REALLY hard to get yourself up to a sitting position while laying down, but you’re not quite there yet.  You’re grabby grabby grabby and I think if I need to make this many adjustments just because of your grabby little hands, dear god… the crawling…

We had our first encounter with a large group of people and I feel like I let you down there.  You were tired & cranky and I absolutely do not support the passing around of babies and the fact that I just stood there and let it happen is… strange.  Very unlike me.  But you can be sure I’ll back you up, at all times, in the future.  If you ever say no to someone and they don’t respect that, you tell them, “Don’t MAKE me call my mom over here.”  I’ll open a can of verbal whoop ass on anyone who doesn’t treat you like the individual that you are.

I think some people are kind of surprised that I’m good at this parenting thing.   My favorite compliment & thing to hear is when people say things about what a strong bond I seem to have with you.  People actually say that to me all the time, and it makes my day.  We like to speculate and make jokes about “he gets this from me, he gets that from you,”  but at the end of the day,  it’s all you.

And if you never learn to like broccoli, I promise not to make you eat it too often.

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little foodie

I was going to wait until the recommended 6 months to start giving solids to Nugget, but, quite frankly, I couldn’t wait.  I’ve been dying to introduce him to real food & see what happens.  Though, I only started a little over a week early, so no harm.

So far he’s had bananas, pears, apples, and now broccoli.

He is decidedly not as enthused about broccoli as he is about the first three.  I’ve only tried giving him the broccoli a few times so far, but he seems to have more of a “I don’t really dig this green goo, but I’ll eat it if you really want me to” attitude about it.  Whereas with pears, apples, and bananas, he’ll kick his feet around, open his mouth like a little bird, and lunge for the spoon.  Broccoli produces faces like this:

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But it sure is funny, seeing his face covered in green goo.

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standards

So, because Korey is leaving us in June (*sob!*) I’m starting to search for a new babysitter or babysitters, as the case may be.  And I’ll tell ya, it was a LOT easier looking for babysitters before we knew Korey.

There are many superficial qualities that I’m looking for – like, I’ll only consider younger women (we’re talking 18 through early 20s).  One, I like their energy and two, upon discovering how opinionated and judgmental women get about pregnancy, birth, mothering, etc, the last thing I want is someone my age or older who is a mother and might not agree with things I do.  Or even an older women who’s been taking care of children for 20 years and thinks they know enough to tell me what they think about things.  I also, sadly, can’t bring myself to have a male babysitter.  I’ve seen profiles of one or two who sound really great, but I just can’t do it.  But, this is my kid we’re talking about, so I’m allowed to have all the biases I want.

But the one thing that I can’t do a search filter for is personality, and that’s the one thing I’m really looking for.  That’s the one thing I’m going to be incredibly fussy about now.  I have (or, had) a back up babysitter for Korey and she’s absolutely fine.  She’s nice & a good person and I’m sure would never let any harm come to Felix.  I should give her more of a chance, really.  But then I compare.  Korey’s got a warmth about her, and genuinely seemed to like & care about Felix from the moment they met, whereas the other one is nice & thinks he’s cute, but that warmth is missing.  So that’s what I’m looking for now.  I want warmth, not just “I’ll watch over him.”  Sigh.  Very daunting task.  If only we could keep Korey around forever and ever…

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bananas for little monkeys

I’ve given Nugget one or two tiny little bits of banana before, but yesterday & today, we fed him a pretty good-sized chunk (smashed.)  He made faces as if he didn’t like it – or just didn’t understand this new texture & flavor, but if you waited too long in between bites, he’d start yelling & kicking his legs around, then lunge towards the spoon, grab it with both hands, and shove it right into his mouth.\

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Montana!

This is why we love Korey:

(He woke up when I came home.)

As far as first babysitters go, we totally hit the jackpot.  I was, admittedly, petrified the first time I left him with anyone other than my parents.  It only took once for me to trust her implicitly – she exudes genuine warmth & adoration when it comes to Nugget.  The only problem now is that she’ll be leaving us in June and she’s set an impossibly high standard for babysitters!

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all through the night

SUCCESS!

Well, I say this now, but ask me again next week.

After the most torturous couple weeks of non-sleep (for us), it finally occurred to me that maybe – just maybe – if we taped up the stupid, ghetto, handmade skylights in the bedroom so that we didn’t all get drowned in sunlight at the crack of dawn every morning, Nugget might stay asleep.  I, personally, did not appreciate the light, either.  I am of the firm belief that bedroom should be dark, dark, dark.

Well, we taped them up and he’s been sleeping from around 10-10:30p until AT LEAST 8, sometimes 9, every morning this week.  Let’s hope this lasts.  But I’ve a strong feeling it will. And I don’t have a thing to complain about now.

My biggest fear about having a baby has always been that we’d have one of those babies that always woke up at 5 or 6 and you couldn’t break them of it.  Really.  My BIGGEST fear.  Because as long as I’ve had sleep, I can handle just about anything.

Life suddenly seems very easy.

People keep telling us to enjoy this age because it’s the best age, and once they start crawling, all bets are off.  I’ve already realized this – that this is a fabulous age.  He’s really not all that high maintenance, as far as babies go.  Most of the day he hangs out in his seat while I cook/do stuff on my laptop/do other things.  Or he naps.  Or he lays on his play mat.  Or he sits in our laps and observes.

And that right there is part of the reason I don’t want a second one.  There is NO WAY that a child could be easier and more amicable than he is.  There are plenty of ways that another one could be supremely difficult.  Let’s say, such as being the baby that has to wake up at 6 every day?  (I know, some of you are scoffing at that because a LOT of people get up at 6 or earlier every day just for work.  But at night, I’m on Chris’s schedule, which means I don’t go to bed until I’ve seen him for a few hours.  And look, I can’t help it.  I’m not just “not a morning person” like some people don’t like mornings.  I’m not a morning person in the respect that waking up early leaves me feeling drugged up, inhuman, and disconnected from the world.  So if I can get up anytime after 7, that’s a huge help.)

And it’s also helpful for Chris, who works long & hard hours at work.  Being able to stay in bed till the alarm goes off is a huge help for him, as well.  Quite frankly, after the year we’ve had, I think we deserve to sleep past 7 for awhile.

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the littlest traveler

5-mos-and-hipstamatic-189Felix & I flew aaaaaaall the way across the country last week.  It was 4.5 hours to Philly and was supposed to be 6 hours back, but luckily, was only 5.

I was a little nervous, having to manage him alone.  Luckily, the worst part was getting through security.  And, by the way – HI, AIRPORT SECURITY.  YOU ARE SO NOT HELPFUL.  I was, for once, immensely thankful for the kindness of other mothers.  One woman saw me struggling to hang on to Felix while getting myself strapped back into the infant carrier.  She held him & then did the straps up for me.  Actually – it wasn’t just the women.  In Philly, a man saw me struggling & while he didn’t hold Felix, he did help me with the buckles of the carrier.

Also, on the flight to Philly, I was absolutely stunned at how nice people were.  We boarded first, then everyone who came on and sat around us paused to admire Felix and then tell me “not to worry about us,” that they’d all “been there, done that” and if I needed any help, just ask.

The stewardesses each way, however… What the…?  Grouchy, grumpy, didn’t smile at him once (even though he was perfect) and even got annoyed with me for standing in the aisle with him.

In any case.  On the way to Philly he just grumbled a few times about being tired, but either slept or hung out in my lap just taking it all in.

5-mos-and-hipstamatic-194On the way back to Seattle, he was crying (tired) as we approached the boarding area and I caught all the wary looks.  But wouldn’t you know, he was PERFECT.  He slept about 90% of the way – the flight wasn’t full and I was able to give him his very own seat next to me.  After we landed and everyone stood up to get off, every single person around us made a point of telling me how impressed they were.  The woman in front of me (who I’d noticed trying to find a new seat before we took off) said she thought he was going to scream the whole way.  Another guy said he wished that Felix was the baby that had been on his previous flight.  Another guy said that his wife was going to be flying with their 5 month old and 2 year old son and he hoped that they were as good as Felix.

That’s my boy!

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don’t drop the baby

A proper update on Nugget soon, but first, I really want to put this out there:

I don’t support the whole passing-the-baby around thing AT ALL.  I believe that babies – particularly my son – are people in their own right and deserve to be treated as such.  They deserve as much space & consideration as you would give an adult or someone who can speak and CHOOSE to say “pick me up” or “put me down.”

It can be overwhelming to suddenly be surrounded by many new faces & then passed around like a toy, particularly for a baby who may be tired and has recently traveled a long distance.  People may say that he’s “fine”, but as a mother who is very attuned to her child & who often talks about what he likes and prefers – I know him best.  Do not challenge me.

I’m angry at myself for not being more vocal about this at the appropriate moments.  I should have been more protective and I certainly should have demanded more respect for myself, as the mother.  ALWAYS ask first and defer to the mother.  ALWAYS. And if someone doesn’t back off after being asked, that’s about as disrespectful & rude as a person can get.

It’s my fault for not saying something immediately, but I’m saying it now.  I will not allow my child to be passed around.  If you want to hold him, you ask me first (excluding grandparents, of course.)  If you want to argue with me about it, sucks to be you.  When it comes to my child, I make the rules.  How would other people feel if I came in and challenged & ignored the ways they raise their children?  And I guarantee you, I probably disagree with most of them.  If you want to hold him, and I sense that you’re making it all about you & not about wanting to be close to my son, then the answer will be NO.  He is not a toy.  He is not a novelty.  He is not a cute, fluffy little creature to be tossed about for others’ amusement.

I don’t care what anyone thinks of me for saying this, because my priority is MY SON.  I think it’s sad that everyone doesn’t respect their babies as real people with a sense of self, personal space, and boundaries.  My son will be all the better for it.

So.  The lesson for today?  Unless you are a grandparent of said child, don’t even think about picking him up unless you’ve asked and gotten the ok to do so.  Just think of me as a mother bear, but more dangerous.